Photo reblogged from Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt with 1,440 notes
Vincent van Gogh
Source: zuccherofilatocuore
The Battle of Everphone. Part One
It was just around midnight when the battle began. I drew my fists from my pockets and looked deep into the soul of my opponent. He looked back at with a blank stare. As though the events that were soon to transpire were not a bother to him. He expected to win; he thought this was going to be another easy cockfight. This was his downfall. It was I who made the first move. I did it without thought or worry of the reaction of my opponent, striking with my left thumb towards his battery slot. This was a bad move, I wasn’t thinking straight and I went too big too soon. The cell phone slipped from my right hands grasp as though my grip upon it was that of a mere child. It tumbled to my bare chest. Its blinding light was out, but only for a moment as the phone leapt back to his feet, and consequently back into my hand. I had him again, ready to try for my next move. But I had learned. I was not going to dive for the battery again, no, he would expect that. It’s simple been too small of a margin of time. My opponent was smart but for his age he was not very fit. I knew that if I wasted a bit of time; threw him some numbers to keep him guessing, it would only be a matter of time before his battery began to run low. That was when I must strike again. And so the battle ensued. Fierce attacks coming from ether end. I started to push his touch screen buttons, opening programs left and right. Shazam one moment then Facebook the next. I could tell that he was getting agitated. I thought I might try something a little more spontaneous so I drove my thumb straight for Angry birds. My foe had been waiting for this move. The moment it opened I was greeted with an ad for an ugly plush bird. I went to dismiss it but in my haste I clicked the add. The phone got the best of my cockiness once again and I realized that if I wanted to win this battle it would not be won with wits, I would need to use pure brute and strength…
When I finally evaded the ensnarement of the angry bird I was back at the waiting game. However my struggles had not gone un-rewarded. The phones battery began to shrink, it was now only 1/8th the man it was. I used this motivation and began once more my onslaught of buttons. I opened the calculator and began multiplying numbers of great multitude. Three to the 1,000,000th power. The square root of pie times 80085. But the phone new too much from his time as a phone. This was Child’s play to him, so I moved on. It was just as I was beginning to open up my music player when the phone had had enough of my games and pulled out a move that he knew for sure would encumber me in my attempts to best him. He began to relentlessly push his own search button. A wise move indeed. One may see this as juvenile, but I envied the phones pure geniuses. Any move I made he would put down with his magical search bar command. I under stood what I must do but I was hesitant in my movements. There was only one way to trump a search bar button and that was to press… And hold the power button. A risky move but the phone would see my frustration, which may perhaps make him back down, if only a little. It would make all the difference. So I did what I had to and held down the power button. One second passed and nothing happened. Two, still nothing. But when three seconds came to pass, sure enough there it was. The small rectangle that planted itself above the other search windows. It gave me three options: power off, silent mode, and flight mode. Since the phone was already silent and turning off the phone would be a cheap shot that even the likes of phone itself would not pull under such circumstance. I was left with only one option. Flight mode. A risky shot at the very least, as this move should surly cause us both a lot of trouble. No longer allowing the phone to throw anymore internet ads my way. With this in mind, and not taking the time to think about the repercussions I pushed the flight mode command…
Moments after, back at the home screen once more, a small white airplane appeared on the top right corner of the phone, replacing what was once the bars of service. As I had expected the phone began to back down on the search bar. There was a moment of unsettling calmness. We both thought of our next move carefully and this time it was the phone that moved first. Tuning his screen to a pitch black backdrop. Causing me to drop him onto my chest once more in surprise. Seconds passed again in silence as I searched the vicinity for the cellular body. When I had it again in my grasps I went as quickly as I could to the music player. In an attempt to redeem myself from the 1st embarrassing triumph the phone had on me. I went straight for the song I knew the phone hated most, and played it on top volume. The song was Around the world by Daft Punk. The phone began to suffer, I could see it in his screen as he regrettably played on. However when I looked back to the battery bar once again I noticed no change in its status. I knew than that this was going to be no easy fight. And it had only just started…
Tumblr
I really wanted to talk therefore I am. However I did not have anything to write about so I went to Google and asked it, by searching “Things to write about”. You would not believe what the fuck I found… A list. And on this list were a sweet bunch of topics. A few I enjoyed were “What if toys could Talk?” “Insects, insects, everywhere” and “Who’s at the zoo?” This list was clearly made for me as these very thoughts were haunting me not three days ago. Naturally I disagree with the sensitive topics that arouse when I read these ideas.
If Toys could talk I would need to kill them all as I would only assume that they would not only keep very unconventional hours but they would, as toys, simply have only one goal in there little moving toy lives. No remorse as they took their revenge. No thank you toys. I don’t want to be killed by little buzz light year and those little fucking green things that always say “The clawwwww”. Fuck that.
As far as insects I ask that you avert your attention to the picture that you will find attached. That should answer that. (Ugly Bug)
AND WHO IS AT THE ZOO?!?!?! Don’t we all wish to know, am I right? I have been to a zoo before but i’m not there now so the answer to this question is obviously not “Scot Everson is at the zoo”. This is because i’m not. I’m at home. So the question still remains to be answered which makes it such a fucked up question because the answer doesn’t get answered. Not by me at least, maybe by someone who knows but I sure don’t, therefore the question does not get answered by me. and only I can write while I write. So.. no answer. What?
Goodnight. And please ponder on these questions!
Super Bowl
Super Bowl Sunday today. That’s pretty sick, I’m gonna watch that shit up.
Go Giants!
Mom is making up some chili so I already know that’s gonna be pretty sick!
The super bowl is going to be sick but what I really want to talk about is Madonna, and Super bowl half time. First of all I think shes Ugly. For a blond. She also seems bitchy. If there were a definitive bitchy look Madonnas got it down. I heard something on the radio the other day, this girl said she met Madonna and said she was “everything she thought she would be…”. Whatever that means. I have never been a fan of Madonna, which is not saying much I suppose since I’m a 16 year old Dude who would rather spend five minutes in a room with the members of Led Zeppelin than have a night in a honeymoon suit with Katy Parry. None the less it goes without saying that I do not have a favorite song of Madonnas, however please find attached the song that hope Madonna starts her Half time show with tonight!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s__rX_WL100
Happy Supper bowl, Fuck Patriots
Go NY!
Post with 1 note
I FUCKING HATE FUCKING STUPID MATH ITS GAY AND FUCKING STUPID ITS USLESS OUT OF CONTEXT WHICH IT ALWAYS FUCKING IS CUZ ITS ALWAYS BEING GAY AND FUCKING STUPUD CUZ WHEN ITS BEING FUCKED LIKE THE PEICE OF SHIT IT IS ITS JUST TOTALLY FUCKED SO IT THINKS ITS FUCKED AND RIGHT BUT ITS ACTUALLY FUCKED AND WRONG AND STUPUD AND A BIG FUCKER AND STUPID IF I FORGOT TO CALL IT THAT!!! FUCK MATH AND ALL ITS FUCKING FUCKED FRIENDS. OH THATS FUCKING RIGHT, MATH HAS NO FUCKING FUCKED FRIENDS CUZ ITS FUCKING GAY AND STUPID AND DUMB AND FUCKED IN ITS FUCKING MATHY FUCKED HEAD. FUCK MATH!
Video reblogged from Funny Or Die with 41 notes
We Bought A Jail (Recut Trailer)
We Bought A Zoo + The Shawshank Redemption = We Bought A Jail
Source: funnyordie
Photoset reblogged from Tastefully Offensive on Tumblr with 15,095 notes
Source: tastefullyoffensive
Post with 12 notes
That awkward moment…
When a person Fucking writes anything that starts with these Fucking words in the title, Shut the Fuck up its not awkward its Fucking ugly and stupid, you obviously don’t actually think its awkward, you think its fucking funny or some shit but its Fucking not! An awkward moment is farting at your friends moms funeral or some shit and the day I see a facebook statuse that says “Awks moment when I just farted at my friends moms funeral” I will laugh myself to a calm and well adjusted death but I haven’t seen that Shit yet so Fuck right off!
Fuck
Went to a party for new years last night. for whomever cares, it was fun. But when all was said and done I had no anal sex (As was my slopy intention) But no worries I’m not gay.
Don’t know really what to write. this Tumble caught me off guard like an assault from the flank that came up in a flash and was gone without leaving a trace before you could say some fucking big word that has at the very least, like, 4 syllables.
Whatever
No one said a single word about the last breast post. That was good shit I see no reason for some to think that it was not worth their time. If you cant stop to smell the roses or look at the Tumblr boobs than your life is meaningless. you ever searched boob into the tag search on this site? Me nether. but if you did than your gonna see my last post so, you know, just be ready for that shit.
Happy New Year!
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